Day 29 and a Half

Stretching my beliefs…


It took a bit of rescheduling and pitching in from the kids and my husband, but I walked into the studio for the second time today. To say that I was nervous was an understatement. My mind was spinning with fear and questions, "Could I physically do two sessions in one day? Would I lose it like I had seen others before who pushed themselves too much? Is this worth it?"

As I checked in, a wonderful yoga teacher was sitting on the couch. "Didn't I see you earlier today?"

I said, "Yes. And I've never done two sessions in one day, so I might be in child's pose half the class."

"That's okay," she said.

My fears subsided. The yoga teacher gave me permission to sit this one out. I felt better. I felt relaxed until…

She wasn't the teacher. It was the true yogi! She's like the yoga nazi, only with the spiritual twist. I was toast. There was no way I was ever going to be able to sit out her class. She'd never go for it. I took a deep breath and looked around. I did something I've never done before a class- I laid down on the mat. Corpse pose. Because that's what I knew I'd be. Toast.

Before class the true yogi told a funny story about a cleansing salt ritual she performed on her apartment which involved a dog, paint, and a geyser of black goo spewing from the sink. Then she simply said, "You have to get rid of the old to make room for the new. That's what yoga does. It creates physical new space." I got that.

Soon the true yogi had us flowing through the vinyasas. A few times I had to lower my arms out of warrior two for a moment, but I swung them right back up. I opted for low cobra and down dog through tabletop a lot. But I was modifying the pose, which is all I could do.

Then came time for the shoulder stand. A few people fell and the true yogi stopped the class and began to talk about fear and how fear prevents us from trying something new. We listen to our mind too much. "Use your fear as fuel," she said and she showed us how to "fall" correctly out of forearm stand.

Everyone tried again. I heard a lot of falling, but my body was telling me not to even attempt it. So I kicked one leg up and then the other and it was over. Then she led us into a series that ended with a split on each leg- the cheerleader all-the-way-to-the-ground split. After this I thought the class was over. But I was wrong.

"Four backbends one for each corner," four corners of what, I can't remember. I just remember hearing four backbends and a lot of groaning. I inhaled and went into bridge then lowered down. "If you are not doing it, ask yourself why." My why was that this was the second yoga class of the day, less than 24 hours ago I was sick as a dog, and I have never done a backbend before. I lifted up into bridge the second time. "Turn your fear into fuel," the true yogi encouraged. What was I afraid of here? Certainly not falling. I was simply listening to my mind telling me I wasn't a kid anymore and the last time I did a backbend Rick Springfield was panting after Jessie's Girl. As I came into bridge the third time I thought, "If my chest touches my chin this time, I know my body is telling me I can do a full backbend." I pushed down hard through my heels and my chin touched. I lowered down and without thinking on the fourth time, I pushed up into a full backbend.

I was so happy I was crying. Crying in yoga. I'm sure that is somehow against the rules. But like when the rain falls while the sun is shining, I was crying and smiling at once. I had done it! I not only showed up, weak and exhausted, but had pushed beyond my own beliefs about what I could do. This was it. This is why I took the challenge.


After class I shared my story with the true yogi. Teary-eyed I thanked her and gave her a hug.

Challenge Counter:
Number of Hot Yoga Classes: 19 with a backbend!